So i must have been tripping yesterday. I was so happy that my ex texted me and happy that we were talking again, and I thought that i was hurt because I still loved her. Today she was talking about her new gf and she even showed me pics and I felt nothing. I didn’t feel bad or hurt. I’m happy for her.
I think for me what gets me down that it’s not as easy for me to meet people and actually like them the way my ex seems to have with her relationships. I mean of course I don’t want to be like her and have three full on (live-in) relationships in two years, but I do want to be comfortable with someone again to the point that I want them to spend the night and stuff like that.
You’ve moved on, I know you have. You’ve told me plenty of times, today was no different. Despite that, it amazes me how easily we can jump into a conversation as if no time had passed, as if you had not hurt me before. I cannot deny that I missed talking to you, that your presence in my life comforts me. But I do have to admit that I still love you. I don’t know why, frankly I wish I didn’t. You told me today that you missed talking to me, that felt nice, even if it was as a friend. Maybe one day I will be able to be like you and just move on. Maybe one day we will be able to meet each other’s girlfriends and actually be friends, real friends, not just texting friends. Hmm, who knows what the future has in store for each of us. I simply want to be happy for you.
My ex has contacted me after us not talking for over three months. I must admit that I missed talking to her, after all she was my best friend before we ever went out. She wants us to be friends but I truly loved her and she broke my heart. I dont think that I sit hear listening to her talk about her new gf. Can people be friends with their exes?
There isn’t a day that I dont think about you. At any given moment you just pop into my mind. It could be a song, something on TV, a smell that brings a lot of memories back. I think that is so unfair, to think of someone when it’s the last thing you want to be doing. It is a little easier now though. You’ve hurt me pretty bad but you know what I will always have feelings for you. Whether I like it or not, I had fallen in love with you for a reason and that’s the person I’d like to remember, not the one that’s fucked up in the head…rather the beautiful, funny, charismatic young woman that made me laugh for an entire semester.
I keep all this to myself though, because no one must know I still have feelings for you. No one must know that I still miss you because again you’ve hurt me before and all this just makes me look like a fool.
My world is fucking falling apart, i don’t know if i can sustain anymore. I’ve been acting like i’m happy when i’m really not. I’m all alone in this world, and life is just so bitter. Tears can’t explain how i feel, and words can’t express them. When does it get easier?