I never thought I would meet a sociopath much less fall in love with one. It’s sad really, thinking that the person has matured and actually become a kind person, only to realize she is the same liar and same manipulative person as before.
This may sound crazy to some but hopefully there are people who understand. When you really love someone, truly love someone, you do miss them when they are away. They could be running errands or even in the next room, but you just miss them. My ex and I have a “unique” relationship and simply holding her hand means everything to me. Seeing her smile makes my heart melt. Talking to her at 5:30 in the morning doesn’t matter because I get to talk to her. I don’t get to see her much anymore but despite the distance I feel in my soul that she is my better half. I wish that things were different.
Do you know how hard it is to love someone and have them love you back and not be able to touch them? To simply hold their hand. To caress their face. Yet despite all that you love just sitting with them talking.
I am simply tired of everything. I try my best to have a positive outlook and to show people a positive side and that just doesnt seem to matter. Its hard to maintain a positive outlook when everything seems to be going to shit. Its hard to be positive when you cannot be with the one you love. Its hard feeling this way and not getting yourself out of it.
I think this is what best describes how i feel right now. Im so tired of trying to be what everyone wants me to be. I dont even know what I want to be.
The worst thing is to love each other so much and not be with each other.